A toxic relationship is a known problem by couples. Based on the 1995 book Toxic People, defines a toxic relationship as “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”
Being in a relationship doesn’t directly mean it’s a smooth ride. It is sometimes bumpy or smooth. Few bumps are expected because this makes the relationship stronger. As stated by Chlipala, they determine if you should be together at all. After all, humans are not perfect. Each day, you learn to understand and adapt to their diverse moods and activities. We tend to see beauty and flaws in our significant other. An imperfect person becomes the perfect lover for us. In other words, every good relationship needs work.
However, some relationships have disagreements rather than agreements. Goodnight becomes the slamming of bedroom doors. I love you becomes cursing. These both slowly destroy connections. Daily quarrels with your partner tend to hinder emotional communication. That’s why toxicity outlives the relationship. Without emotional support, the pillar of the relationship tumbles. This becomes the negative force encircling your relationship life. We don’t want that to happen.
Sharing is very crucial in relationships. It is important to note that talking about emotions with your partner helps to fix your relationship. There is intimacy in knowing someone’s sentiments. Also, there’s no denying that we mostly spend our time on social media. You must have scrolled down to popular posts about relationship goals: couples filling the bed with all sorts of luxurious branded things. You suddenly realize that you are taken for granted based on what you see. Honey, you’re wrong. Love is not about what things you give and take. Real intimacy is simply knowing and understanding your partner’s emotions. It is how you easily know if your partner’s voice is scared or worried. Yes, to speak about feelings needs your emotional courage. Yet, it’s all worth the risk.
To understand your partner more, try reading the tips below on how to avoid toxic relationships.
Share Random Feelings Everyday
Give your partner a hint about what you feel that day. Even if it’s ordinary. Tell them “you feel annoyed with your showoff workmate” or “you feel tired from waiting for a ride.” These random emotional statements give your partner a chance to understand how your day goes. In that way, it becomes the start of a meaningful sharing. Daily sharing of simple experiences makes your partner feel comfortable to open up more. In no time, communication within your relationship paves the way to honesty. This is the foundation of your trust.
Connell Barrett, an executive dating coach, emphasizes the importance of emotional honesty. “Talking about your feelings makes you more self-aware about who you are and what makes you tick, helping you evolve into a better partner and person,” he said.
You know, there’s beauty in randomness. Every experience has an attached emotion.
Put Words to Feelings
Tell your emotions through words. Not unless your partner is a mentalist, then you have no problem. This scenario is only one percent probable, and you just wish you’re the one percent. Every relationship starts with mind-reading games. That might be funny from the start, but it has its own destructive effects. Instead of healing each other, both just mend the surface emotion. Thus, it creates toxic ripple effects on the relationship. It can be romantic to know your partner can guess your random moods already without asking. Guessing is different from understanding.
Let your partner understand what you feel by explaining or describing it to them. Say “I’m ANGRY” when you feel mad towards your lover. Common emotions we have as humans have terms. These are some of them: sad, happy, angry, confused, hurt, scared, embarrassed, etc. These emotions are overused, yet we still need the courage to speak them to others. Take it slowly. Putting words into emotions regularizes tension. Don’t create scenarios without talking.
Embrace Your Real Feelings
Accept what you feel. Toxic relationships hide emotions. Be open to the fact that emotions vary. You don’t need to be happy always when you feel sad. The moment you suppress your real feelings, the more damage it breeds inside. Remember, It’s okay to feel bad. We are destined to experience emotional growth within ourselves. And that’s what makes us human.
The most important thing is how you manage your negative emotions. Subtle violent reactions are the start of the most serious warning of a toxic relationship. Handling emotions with the help of your partner is essential. Both your mental health should be given mindfulness.
Never Judge Your Partner’s Feelings
Don’t invalidate what they feel. Judging is a relationship destroyer. The moment you directly negate your partner’s emotions will eventually create resentment within themselves. This can lead to the relationship ending or suffering. We all have our own standards, but this is not the reason that we impose them on what they feel. How to avoid toxic relationships is to be compassionate.
The best thing to do is to understand. Put yourself in their shoes. After that, talk to them. Give them the positive and negative impacts of their emotions. Remember, don’t be harsh. Be gentle when talking to a lost soul. By the time you master understanding, you will learn the joy in acceptance and empathy. Let your sound judgment rule your decision in your relationship.
Toxic Relationship, Love, and Maturity
A toxic relationship is stirred by silence. Emotional communication is an armor that keeps connection intact and healthy. In relationships, you don’t mature individually. It is not an innate state that happens as we grow old. It is something we put risk and effort into. Genuine comprehension paves to both maturity in the relationship. Love doesn’t undermine peace and happiness. It strengthens them. If you both want the love you have now, grow together. The best therapy for a wounded soul is a loving heart. And yes, learning how to avoid toxic relationships is a progress.